Sometimes, someone else might see what you perceive as a regrettable decision as an accomplishment.

Consider the man I saw once, a professional engineer, who was plagued by negative self esteem because of a perceived error in his career decision-making.

While Sam had completed college and attained his professional engineering license, he completely dismissed his accomplishment because he disliked the day-to-day practice of being an engineer.

Sam thought he had made a big error in judgment that cost him thousands of dollars in college loans and years of his life that precluded any future opportunity to enjoy his work.

A devoted father to two sons, Sam wanted them to see him happy in his work and satisfied with the choices he had made. Instead, he feared that he was presenting the opposite type of role model.

While I understood Sam’s thinking that he had selected the wrong career path, I did not see his choices in negative terms. In listening to other details of Sam’s story, I learned that he was the first in his family to complete high school, let alone college, and that educational goals were not particularly valued by his relatives.

With his family’s negative attitude on education, Sam was on his own to find resources and forge a career direction.

A high school teacher who suggested that Sam’s aptitude in math would make him a good candidate for engineering school, was the initial catalyst for his career path.

From my vantage point, Sam had shifted a formidable family legacy for himself and for his sons that threatened to limit his options and keep him working in low-paying jobs.  I saw it as a minor miracle that Sam had accomplished all he had.

When I shared my perspective with Sam on his career decision-making, I offered an angle he had never considered, and allowed him to reframe how he saw his choices.

While this shift did not change the fact that Sam didn’t like being an engineer, it paved that way for a different kind of conversation—one that was focused on future possibilities rather than on regrets about past failures.