Most of the people in my career counseling practice are seriously considering or forced into a work-related transition. While their professions and stories are diverse, most share a common set back: they ask "how" prematurely and it stalls or halts their process. Over the years, I've noticed that no matter what the specifics are of a situation, asking those demanding "how" questions too early in a transition squelches momentum.
Here is a fictitious, yet realistic story that backs my theory. Mary Jones has had a successful career as a vice president in a service-oriented corporation. At 46, she's experiencing burnout and dreams of a life where she can devote more time to her husband, provide service to her community, and adopt a puppy that will nudge her into a routine of daily exercise. While her desire for a more balanced life is clear, the way to get there--the how of it all, is not. Frustrated with her inability to translate her dreamy thinking into concrete steps, Mary gives up before exploring her options. She is unhappy about remaining in her current job, but sees no way out.
What Mary needs to keep her dream alive is a different way of proceeding, one that invites her creative imagination and allows for patience with the change process. She needs to focus on the "what" of her desire by writing and talking about what she already knows about it. She would be well served by staying open and expansive to possibilities, rather than constricted and worrying about how it will all happen. While the "how" questions initially seem compelling and critical to success, they are often created out of fear and offer no help with the development of the plan itself.
If Mary recognizes that the development of her dream will take time, and that a period of confusion is inevitable, she is more inclined to be steadfast in her desire for change. Being in a place of uncertainty is integral to any transition according to William Bridges, author of the groundbreaking book on the subject. But, with our culture's mindset of "get to the goal as quickly as possible", there's little tolerance, let alone appreciation, for the period of confusion that comes with any change.
Here are a few tips to keep the momentum in your transition:
- Take time to focus and write about it, explaining why you want it and how it
will impact your life.
- Acknowledge any "how" questions that may come up. Write them down if you
wish, but don't allow them to distract you from your thinking about what it is
you want.
- Identify a question that pertains to the "what" of your dream, desire, or goal.
- Take one step in the next week that will help you to find an answer to it.
- Keep this process going as you gain more clarity. You will probably notice that
the "how" questions have shifted. That's progress.
I was 'forced' into writing about WHAT I wanted within 3 years, by a coach with whom I was then working.
With much grumbling, I finally completed the assignment - lesson here "when one spends good money earned by one's sweat, might as well listen to the expert.
I wrote about moving away from where we lived. Buying a house on a lake, working out the work / life balance.
Here I am in Maine, living in the right house for us which has all the features I listed before moving, and there is a beautiful lake at the end of my lawn. Of course I did not foresee milfoil but there is always something in paradise. I am still working on the W / L balance!
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