Being in a place of uncertainty is difficult for most people. A person’s tendency is to leave the unknown with its vague and unsettling qualities for a clearer path. Yet, there are times in life when, as much as we would like a more defined direction, it is not to be found.
In the American culture, there is much value placed on getting something done and not much tolerance for being in the process of figuring something out. Yet, the fact remains that any transition has three stages: a beginning stage when it occurs to us that we need a change, a middle stage where we are fraught with confusion and unanswered questions, and an end when we move fully into the new possibility.
Most of us expect and cope with the first and last stages, but we prefer to circumvent the middle one, perhaps because it seems unproductive in our fast-paced outcome-driven culture. But the middle stage has its own meaning and importance in the scheme of things.
This middle stage is a liminal place—the time in-between one reality and another. It can be rich with anticipation and excitement for what is to come, or frustrating and annoying for its inherent lack of definition and directives. As is the case with any threshold, there is a time to step over it into the new place.
Some people, driven by anxiety, rush over the threshold to quell the discomfort that comes with being in unknown territory. They typically experience a mix of outcomes that result from fear-based decisions.
On the other hand, there are those who choose to embrace the liminal place as a legitimate stage in their transition convinced that it holds promise and purpose. They patiently and intentionally wait for external and internal indicators to move into the next phase. All the while, they eagerly anticipate, like a good friend who is coming, the moment when they’ll know the move is right.
Is there currently a liminal place in your life about which you could shift your attitude?
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Barbara will be presenting a workshop: “Midllife: How to Avoid the Crisis by Understanding Your Heart’s Desire” in the “Mindful Aging Series” at Sweet Water Day Spa on Wednesday, October 18 from 6-8pm. Call: 443-4723 for more info.
Even when you expect the liminal, it can be trying to sit back and wait for your friend to enter the room. Having not had a job interview in twenty years, I'm a little apprehensive as to what my friend will look like and how my friend will treat me. Still the same, I have the courage to greet the future with open arms.
If only the swells of anxiety could subside while waiting for my friend to enter the room.
Posted by Marc
The middle stage can be difficult. I was in that stage for a few months before I realized the changes I had to make and the goal I needed to pursue. The in between time gave me the opportunity to spend time with new friends and get to know my new neighborhood.
Thanks for the encouragement in this article.
BTW what is URL:?
Posted by LupeIt's useful during this middle/liminal stage to keep a focus on the outcome desired, even if the specifics of it are not clear. By keeping your thoughts on the essence of what you want, rather than what you fear, at least you'll not raise your anxiety.
Posted by Barbara
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