My 25 year old daughter called when I was writing this blog, so I shared it with her. I'm still getting used to the idea of my "child" offering me good advice, even though she's always been wise beyond her years. Kate thought that this blog was "more heady" than my others and so I should give my readers the head's up that I've not switched gears on them. Consider yourselves forewarned...

Some people argue that they are too young to be in midlife because the thought of life being half over is just too depressing. But, the fact remains that we all will face into it whether we like it or not. Perhaps if we knew more about this phase of life, we might be less adverse to it and might even see the opportunity it offers for significant change and growth.

Midlife is thought to begin around age 36-38. It is this early stage of midlife that is typically associated with the dreaded “midlife crisis” coined by noted psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. Some of us can recount stories of people turning their lives upside down in the blink of an eye, never to look back on the life they’d spent years developing. While the midlife years are meant to stir up new ways of interfacing with the world as we develop the lesser-known parts of ourselves, it is not a given that they are fraught with drama and chaos. A more positive way to think of midlife is as a compelling quest—but a quest whose end is not always evident to the seeker. This lack of direction or road map makes many people uncomfortable with, if not opposed to, embarking on the journey at all.

I am particularly fascinated by the concept of midlife and the ensuing second half of life years because of their impact on people’s attitudes toward work. Admittedly, I may have a skewed view of the population at large because my career counseling clients in the second half of life years arrive at my door ready on some level for the journey. I realize that not everyone excitedly heeds the call to pursue the quest for “je ne sais quoi”.

Midlife questions and accompanying malaise with life may leave a person wondering what’s up, only to know that the status quo is no longer acceptable. Being clueless is often a new phenomenon and very disconcerting to the attorney, teacher, writer or corporate executive who formerly moved ahead in his or her life with clarity and direction.

What I know about midlife is that there is a compelling nature about it that can temper the uneasiness that uncertainly brings. This causes people to take action, not always cognizant of why or what the outcome might be. The reward is satisfying at the level of the letting go. In some cases, individuals rely on their intuition to guide them and eventually become appreciative and trusting of another aspect of themselves not always seen as credible.

Midlife and the second half of life are about integration and wholeness. This may be evident as a person begins to think about a former passion or hobby they’ve not engaged in for years, a desire for meaningful work that honors a long-held value, or a different career path that incorporates key skills and abilities that have surfaced no matter the job title or employment setting.

The challenge of midlife is to be open to emerging thoughts and insights, rather than suppress them because of a lack of understanding of what they mean or fear of where they might lead. Jung gave us permission to accept this challenge and approach life with a different script when he said: We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the life’s morning”.

What are your midlife and work questions and challenges?

Good idea? For some perhaps, but not for me. My reasoning may shed a light on the option that many people consider from time to time.

I admit it; I am a fine paper fanatic. I look for shops and stationery boutiques wherever I travel and get goose bumps if I happen to find one with more than just a corner dedicated to paper. When I find the time, I make paper keepsakes for friends and family--from personalized journals to cards and little books. It's a hobby that is satisfying and can put me in the zone for hours on end. People have even suggested that I start a business and sell my paper creations. After I remind them that I already have one business, I think about the possibility of shifting my leisure time pursuit to a moneymaking one. Immediately, I start to tense up at the notion of having to fill orders and create according to someone else's timeframe. It's not appealing, but why?

In my last blog, I wrote about the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), an assessment tool based on the personality theory of Carl Jung. The framework of the MBTI helps me understand why my hobby is a perfect part-time outlet for me, but not necessarily a great idea for a business venture. Essentially, by looking at my work and my hobby through the lens of the MBTI, I see that my "day job" calls on one of my favored functions, that of intuition. In my career counseling practice, I strive to see the big picture of a client's situation and help them consider their work within the context of their entire life. My hobby, on the other hand, relies on the opposite of that function, sensing , where attention to detail is key. According to Jung's theory, it's everyone's challenge in life to develop the lesser-known parts of themselves. As we progress through life, we seek out opportunities to become whole, often through hobbies and leisure time activities.

I recall once working with an investment advisor who, at midlife, thought he might want to shift into another career. It was interesting to hear that one of his recent and most rewarding experiences was chairing the board of his child's private school. An admitted introvert, he surprised himself with the level of enjoyment he had for this role, which involved working with groups of people much more than he was used to in his employment.

However, to assume that his enjoyment indicated he should be in a more extraverted job, would have been off base. I think that it was precisely because his board experience was voluntary and short-term that it allowed him to feel secure enough to try something different. After all, neither his salary nor his professional identity were at risk.

Then there was a woman client who had a developed a career in the non-profit world. She was clearly ready for a change and eventually decided to go back to school and focus on a long-standing interest of hers: organic gardening. While the decision did reflect a "hobby-turned-to-job" type of situation, it was one that clearly aligned with her personality, interests and values—a winning combination.

So, if you are considering whether to make your hobby your job, don't dismiss it because you fear you'll tire of it or because it's not practical. Consider if this option fits with who you are, what you most enjoy, and what energizes you. If the answer is "yes", it may be just the turn in your life you need to make.

Yesterday I attended what was supposed to have been an advanced workshop on the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), a personality inventory I often use in my career counseling practice to help people establish a good fit between who they are and what they do.

While I was disappointed with the slow pace of the presenter and rather basic concepts he addressed, I was glad to connect with old and new colleagues from a variety of professions who use the MBTI in their work. Even though over 2 million copies are sold annually and it has been translated into 37 languages, the Myers Briggs Type Indicator is not always well understood for its depth and usefulness. To some people, unfamiliar with Carl Jung's personality theory upon which it is based, the MBTI is nothing more than a parlor game that "types" people into categories and invites judgments about others different from them. Even though a person ends up with a four-letter "type" after taking the MBTI, judgment of self or others is the exact opposite of Jung's intent in creating this inventory. Rather, the MBTI is meant to be a way to better understand ourselves and develop greater appreciation and tolerance for other's differences.

Because the Myers Briggs Type Indicator is so popular and applied in many contexts from marriage counseling and college roommate matching to management team building, I routinely ask my clients if they have ever taken the inventory. It is not uncommon for someone to say, "Yes, I've taken it, but I don't remember my type", or "My score was 'in the middle' and I was told that I'm part one type and part the other", or even "I've changed type every time I've taken it". Those responses most likely reflect a lack of knowledge of the person who administered and explained the inventory. According to Jung, a person is born with a certain type and that type does not change over time. However, a person's score, which measures the development of certain preferences, may change. While the MBTI is a reliable instrument, it is not foolproof and therefore needs a well-trained professional to discuss the outcome and help the individual come to a decision about their "best fit type".

The context in which I use the MBTI is work and career, and I consistently find it to be a useful and practical addition to the career counseling process. Some of the positive outcomes I've noticed include: increased understanding of the significance of the person's "type" in past jobs that were negative experiences, a greater appreciation of personal characteristics and traits once seen as "less than", an acceptance of personality differences between co-workers and supervisors, and insights into more effective communication strategies to try at work.

For those who have taken the MBTI and want to explore its relevance to work, read Do What You Are, by Paul and Barbara Tieger for an in-depth view of how knowledge of one's type can help clarify appropriate options and shape career decisions.

Frustrated because not much is happening in your job search? Let’s look at what might be hampering you. First, it’s important for you to be clear about what you are looking for. That does not necessarily mean that you have a specific job title in mind. Titles often vary from place to place, so focusing on a title might even limit you and your options. However, it is important for you to be aware of your interests, skills and values and recognize how they translate to the marketplace.

Next, you will need a great resume that captures the best of your experience. Given the fact that a resume has about 30 seconds to make an impression, it’s best to keep it to one page. Avoid the most common mistakes people make in writing resumes and be prepared with a list specific names to which to send or deliver it. Unsolicited resumes have much less of a chance of being read than ones that are sent via a company contact, so it pays to develop your contact list and use it.

If you’ve made it to the interview stage, that’s a good sign. But are you receiving second interviews or job offers? If not, your interviewing skills may need refining. When I worked at Bowdoin College, we offered videotaped mock interviews to seniors and encouraged them to have in mind at least three examples or vignettes of experiences that illustrated their skills. Most applicants think all they need to be successful in an interview is to state that they have a certain skill, but anyone can claim a talent for something. To identify when and where you have demonstrated a skill sets you apart from other candidates and may just land you the job.

Have you checked off everything I’ve mentioned so far and still wonder about your lack of success in the job search? Here is where the more philosophical aspect of the job search comes in: trusting the timing of it all. It may not be that your job search strategy is flawed, but that the right option is just not available at the exact time you are ready for it.

People often have a difficult time with this concept, which is not supported by our instant gratification mindset. I know people who seem ready to make a job change and dutifully conduct a job search process only to wait in frustration. Waiting for the right opportunity does not mean that you put your life on hold. Consider what you are doing as a result of your waiting that is adding something positive to your life. An example might be a person who rekindles an old friendship through networking for a new job, or someone who takes up exercise to deal with the stress caused by the uncertainty of it all. Shifting your focus to the positive aspects of your experience and appreciating more than just the end result could change your attitude and help you develop patience and trust until that dream job appears.

Most of the people in my career counseling practice are seriously considering or forced into a work-related transition. While their professions and stories are diverse, most share a common set back: they ask "how" prematurely and it stalls or halts their process. Over the years, I've noticed that no matter what the specifics are of a situation, asking those demanding "how" questions too early in a transition squelches momentum.

Here is a fictitious, yet realistic story that backs my theory. Mary Jones has had a successful career as a vice president in a service-oriented corporation. At 46, she's experiencing burnout and dreams of a life where she can devote more time to her husband, provide service to her community, and adopt a puppy that will nudge her into a routine of daily exercise. While her desire for a more balanced life is clear, the way to get there--the how of it all, is not. Frustrated with her inability to translate her dreamy thinking into concrete steps, Mary gives up before exploring her options. She is unhappy about remaining in her current job, but sees no way out.

What Mary needs to keep her dream alive is a different way of proceeding, one that invites her creative imagination and allows for patience with the change process. She needs to focus on the "what" of her desire by writing and talking about what she already knows about it. She would be well served by staying open and expansive to possibilities, rather than constricted and worrying about how it will all happen. While the "how" questions initially seem compelling and critical to success, they are often created out of fear and offer no help with the development of the plan itself.

If Mary recognizes that the development of her dream will take time, and that a period of confusion is inevitable, she is more inclined to be steadfast in her desire for change. Being in a place of uncertainty is integral to any transition according to William Bridges, author of the groundbreaking book on the subject. But, with our culture's mindset of "get to the goal as quickly as possible", there's little tolerance, let alone appreciation, for the period of confusion that comes with any change.

Here are a few tips to keep the momentum in your transition:
- Take time to focus and write about it, explaining why you want it and how it
will impact your life.
- Acknowledge any "how" questions that may come up. Write them down if you
wish, but don't allow them to distract you from your thinking about what it is
you want.
- Identify a question that pertains to the "what" of your dream, desire, or goal.
- Take one step in the next week that will help you to find an answer to it.
- Keep this process going as you gain more clarity. You will probably notice that
the "how" questions have shifted. That's progress.

If you've thought of it, but couldn't actually do it, you're not alone. For most people, the idea of quitting their job is out of the question. From the financial risks or loss of professional identity, to the advice from some "experts" who claim it's always best to have a job while looking for a new one, there are plenty of reasons to stay put. But, sticking it out in a job that makes you dread the beginning of another workweek is not always best for the body, mind and spirit. Recent research found that the incidence of heart attacks spikes by 20% on Monday mornings from 8-9 AM. That is one reason why I always take it seriously when a client says, "My job is killing me."

So, when is it time to quit? If you answer yes to any of the following questions, it would be a good idea to take a specific step toward some type of change:
-Have you been aware for more than a year that you are dissatisfied with your
job?
-Is your dissatisfaction at work compromising your physical or mental health
(e.g. poor sleeping or eating habits, erratic emotions)?
-Are people who care about you concerned about the level of stress you're
experiencing from your work?
-Has your health practitioner suggested that you change jobs?

To evaluate whether quitting is the best option, consider:
-Are there people or resources in your life on which you could rely for income
support temporarily, if needed?
-Do you have a strategy in mind to generate job leads, develop networking
contacts or information about job openings?
-Can you communicate your skills and experience and adapt them to new
environments?
-Can you afford to be without a paycheck for a period of time? (The average
time it currently takes to find a job in Maine is from 3-6 months.)

If you do decide to give your notice, realize that many people have secured employment while being unemployed, particularly since the onset of downsizing in the 80's. It is important to be able to address with a prospective employer why you left your job. These days, quality of work life is commonly accepted in the marketplace as a reasonable expectation.

While quitting may be the best decision for some, it's not the only option for a change at work. Perhaps there are modifications to your existing job, a transfer to another department, or a promotion to a more challenging opportunity. Motivational speaker, Susan Arledge, in her talks on "TGIM" (Thank God It's Monday) provides employees with practical suggestions to become more engaged with their current jobs. From requesting promotions, to delegating some tasks and taking on others, there's advice in her presentations that everyone can apply to make their jobs more satisfying. Employers are encouraged to consider employee's suggestions on how to increase enthusiasm for their work. It's a win-win situation as happy employees are also more productive.

Recognizing that you have options may be just the mindset you need to move forward toward more satisfying work.

Some people like to talk about how busy they are. Take for example, the story of Julia Beck Bromberg in last month’s edition of Worthwhile Magazine, who has two kids, three companies, 14-hour days and a life that spans two cities. It made me dizzy to read about her frenetic life. Most of us do not aspire to a life like Julia’s—we’re just trying to do our jobs and have a life that matches our priorities. Nonetheless, work and life outside of work keep us out-straight. It’s no wonder that 70-80% of all visits to the doctor are for stress complaints or illnesses. I don’t see our work-related stress diminishing any time soon since Americans have just earned the dubious honor of working more than any other nation in the world.

It is no surprise that for the past five years, the topic I am most asked to speak about to organizations is how to gain a better balance in life. One solution I suggest is a set of steps—simple, but not necessarily easy. These steps include:
• Slow down your speech and your pace—it may help you think more clearly.
• Pay attention to your breathing. Inhale and exhale deeply throughout the day.
• Attend to one thing at a time—a practice that counters multi-tasking.
• Think of what you are grateful for on a daily basis.

Once you’re in a rut of trying to keep up with what you should have done yesterday, it’s difficult to switch gears and take things down a notch. From my own experience, if you try these steps each day for 3 weeks, your life will likely change. So, why not begin a new habit that may decrease those visits to the doctor and have you enjoying more in each day.

Sometimes I’m shocked when I hear clients talk about their abusive bosses. I wonder how people can get away with such outlandish behavior—isn’t anyone besides the victim noticing? It seems that there’s even a name for this common problem in the workplace: "the bully boss phenomenon".

Whether the abuse is physical like throwing objects at a person, as in the case of the boss cited in a recent Washington Post article, or psychological, such as continually berating an employee in front of colleagues and clients, the harm done is considerable. To the bullying boss, the immediate result may justify the behavior—after all, the employee seems more compliant and may even seem quicker to respond after the abuse. However the long term impact on the victim can be devastating.

It is not uncommon for employees harassed by bully bosses to require medical and psychological help to deal with the affects of the abuse. Research has shown that this abuse reduces employee productivity and can eventually impact organization’s effectiveness as a whole.

Workplace bullying is an experience that four out of five employees -- 23 million people -- will deal with at some point during their careers, according to a Wayne State University study. Since it is estimated that 4 out of 5 employees will experience some type of bullying in the workplace during their work histories, we would all benefit from information on what to do about it.

Why is it that when many of us are in transition or in a place of uncertainty, we begin to experience fear and think about what we don’t want to have happen? Although I’ve observed it in myself and others, I don’t have an answer. But, I do have ideas about how to stop unproductive and sometimes obsessive worry about those things that we do not want to occur.

• First, notice when it’s happening. Often the body gives us the initial clue about what we are thinking with neck tension, a knot in the stomach, or increase in heart rate. If you begin to have fear-related sensations, and you are not in harm’s way, bring your thoughts to the specifics of it—what do you fear and what thoughts brought it on.
• Next, breathe. Shortness of breath or rapid breathing is a symptom of anxiety.
• Third, remind yourself what it is you want—the truth for you, rather than your fear.
• Breathe again. Dr. Andrew Weil who wrote 8 Weeks to Optimum Health describes a useful breathing exercise to help center and calm when you’re fearful, in a worried state, or caught up in our fast-paced world.

At this point, your fear may have subsided enough for you to identify a step you could take to bring you closer to what you want.