There’s no doubt about it, it can be devastating to be fired from your job. Even if you were ready to leave, you are bound to feel less than empowered when someone else exerts control over your fate.
While it may seem a distant goal when you are terminated, statistics say that you’re likely to find another job within three to six months. Since there is plenty of good advice about how to handle interviews and applications in light of a termination, I won’t be covering those issues in this blog.
Instead, I’ll address a related, but often over-looked topic: your entry into the next job. Anyone who has been laid off or terminated knows that confidence takes a considerable hit and gives way to self-doubt and misgivings about what you can truly accomplish. Even if you’ve managed to bolster yourself up enough to conduct a job search and secure a job offer, there’s one last hurdle to conquer: mastering a job after being told you failed at the last one. Here is a scenario that describes what someone faced in this type of transition:
It was six months after her termination that Cathy started a new position with responsibilities in a totally different industry than her previous setting. From the looks of her situation, it would appear that she had weathered the transition from being fired to gainfully employed without a problem. However, I heard another side of the story—one that was riddled with self-criticism and self-doubt and a resistance to reenter the marketplace for fear of another failure.
As is the case with over half of the terminations occurring in the workplace, Cathy’s relationship with her former supervisor had presented an impossible dynamic and she knew that was the impetus behind her termination. Nonetheless, Cathy internalized the barrage of criticisms and eventually assumed full responsibility for her demise that left her feeling somewhat worthless and skeptical of her value in the marketplace. Although she could hide it when necessary, she carried an emotional whirlwind into her job search.
After she applied for a job that required her unique credentials and relevant experience, Cathy was surprised to receive a generous employment offer and was especially shocked to learn that she was the search committee’s first choice hands down. She accepted the offer thinking they would surely retract it before her start date. All of her reactions were symptomatic of her low self-esteem.
The Sunday night before starting her new job, a familiar dread set in. She recognized that end-of-the-weekend anxiety she’d experienced during the ending of her previous job. Her body remembered how it was “supposed” to feel as she anticipated work, even though the reality of her new workplace was unknown.
I saw Cathy again after she had been at her new job for a month. She seemed relaxed and there was a sparkle in her eyes that I had not seen before.
She reported that her new boss was easygoing and appreciative of her skills and contributions. However, in discussing her workday, it became clear that she was overworking, going in early and staying quite late. She was tired, yet felt afraid that she might be fired for not doing enough—another holdover from her former job.
Her assumptions and concerns were dictating her actions and her emotions had her in a spin about what might happen if…In recognizing how her thoughts were influencing her experience at her new job, Cathy was able to distinguish reality from speculation and fear. She needed clearer expectations from her boss and planned to speak to him about it. She committed to doing her best to meet those expectations, but not to exceed them at the expense of her health and well-being.
Although it will take some time, Cathy is leaving her former job behind and is creating a new work experience that will replace hurtful memories and nagging self doubt with increased confidence and a focus on the present.
Transitions by their very nature make anyone feel less secure about some aspect of their life. But even in the midst of a transition that has you feeling lost and afloat in a sea of unknowns, you can regain your bearings and get grounded.
If you constantly focus on what is unclear or confusing in your life, you're likely to become frustrated and anxious. While it is common to ponder perplexing questions, it can be counterproductive to dwell on those that do not have obvious or immediate answers. Consider why in the following line from a poem by the German poet, Rilke:
"…Do not now seek the answers which cannot be
given to you, because you would not be able to live them."
Instead of dwelling on the unknown, consider the exercise of focusing your attention on those aspects of your life about which you are certain and clear—these are your "life anchors". They can be as concrete as naming the people whom you love and who support you, where you want to live, and the specific job you seek, or as abstract as "I want to wake up looking forward to work." From this exercise, create a list of your anchors and let it be a work in progress, writing additions as they occur to you throughout the day.
Taking the exercise a step further, begin to integrate your awareness of your anchors into your daily routine. As you awake on any given day and before you rise from bed, remind yourself of what you are certain in your life. Accept your response, whether simple or detailed, without judgment. As you rise and your feet touch the floor, breathe deeply several times in recognition of these certainties. Your anchors will have a grounding effect on your life as you reflect on what is true and real, especially when you lack clarity about other things. In doing this, you'll be aligned with Rilke's guidance as you honor the flow of your life's path:
"…Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it,
Live along some distant day, into the answers."
Most of us have heard of the proverbial "midlife crisis", the uneasy period of doubt and anxiety when we realize that our life is half over. But have you heard of the other phase of life beset with its own challenges that may have affected your young adult children or others you know?
Coined in 2001 by authors Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbins, the "quarter-life crisis" occurs in the period of life ranging from the ages of 21-29, but may extend into the early thirties. This is a time when young adults are searching to establish their identity in the world, particularly in the work arena. Issues of self worth may become confused with job titles, earning potential and whether or not they are still living with their parents.
Just when it seems that the world is their oyster, young adults in a quarter-life crisis may feel overwhelmed by their options and alone in their decision-making. Insecure about the future and the unfamiliar territory of the marketplace, those facing into a quarter-life crisis may become depressed, act indifferent when faced with significant decisions, or appear to have their life together when the opposite is really true.
Making the shift from years in school where expectations and daily schedules were clearly delineated to a life in the "real world" of executing a job search and paying the bills, can lead to a crisis if they have never developed the skills to manage their lives and appropriate support is not available.
One of the key stabilizers to any crisis is information, and that is true in the case of the quarter-life crisis. Whether it is information that helps them understand their personality or identify their marketable skills, young adults can benefit from facts, trends and introspective insights.
I've asked my new career counseling associate, Amy Jaffe, who specializes in working with young adults, to identify a few TIPS to ease or avoid a quarter-life crisis:
1. Avoid the “Major” trap. Many recent college grads feel compelled to pick a job that’s based on the subject they majored in. Just because you were a Sociology major, you don’t have to be a sociologist! College was a time to develop fundamental skills like how to investigate and research, how to write, and how to balance schoolwork with social life. Most employers, especially for entry-level positions, place more emphasis on a candidate’s general abilities than their specific skill set.
2. Assess yourself. The teenage and college years are often spent trying to “fit in.” However, a satisfying career comes from recognizing your unique qualities and how you can contribute to an organization in your own way. Career assessment tools can help identify skills, interests, values, and motivators as they relate to work.
3. Get informed. Informational interviewing is the best-kept secret to job finding. By talking with people with different careers, clients learn the day-to-day reality of a variety of jobs—even juicy details like salary. It's useful to get help with a strategy for informational interviewing to learn about an occupation before diving into it.
4. Hone your marketing materials. Every job search requires an effective resume, an articulate cover letter, and polished interview skills. Young or first-time job seekers may have less confidence about their accomplishments and limited experience when articulating them to strangers. Good interviewing skills are not something you’re born with—practice makes perfect. Likewise, developing targeted resumes helps you feel more confident and prepared to meet a potential employer.
5. Find a mentor. Talk to someone 5 to 10 years older than yourself; they may have experienced the “quarter-life crisis” stage of life fairly recently. You’ll find out that they, and, indeed, most people, follow an unplanned winding path before finding the ideal career. A mentor can help guide you along your own path.
You can reach Amy who works with me in Yarmouth by phone: 415-407-8788 or email: amy@positivecareerdevelopment.com.
If you are in the midst of a job search, it's time to get clear about what you want. However, this does not necessarily mean naming a specific job title or position. The first step in making a successful transition to new work is realizing a change is necessary and committing to it.
What comes after that can delay the process, especially if you cannot adequately answer the questions: "What am I looking for?" And, "If someone wants to help me find work, what do I say to them?" Even if you do not have clear answers to these questions, you must come up with some response other than "I don't know…I was hoping you would tell me."
A prospective client making an inquiry about my career counseling business was on the mark today when he said, "I don't believe I need to tell people with whom I'm networking what job I'm looking for, but rather, what skills I have to offer." Offering a bit of free career advice, I added: "Yes, identifying your skills in a networking meeting is good, and even more effective if you follow with the question 'How are these skills used in your company?' " Perhaps at that point the individual could make a connection for you with the person who demonstrates your talents. Then you might have a handle on a specific job for which you are qualified.
Eventually you will need to connect what you do well with where those skills are used in the marketplace (i.e. the positions that require your skills). Then you will recognize appropriate jobs when you see them. If you are considering a significant career shift, this connection is particularly important and initially difficult to figure out.
Here are some steps to help you move beyond the dreaded question "What type of job are you looking for?"
• Review your work history and determine the generic skills, talents and attributes that you consistently brought to your positions.
• Create a résumé that effectively and clearly presents those skills. If you are changing careers or industries, consider a functional format for your résumé.
• Identify a few key individuals who would be willing to speak with you about how they see you fitting into the marketplace.
• Arrange meetings with those key individuals. Be clear about your intention: to receive help connecting your skills and interests with the areas of the marketplace with which they are familiar and to ask for the names of people who are using similar skills in their work.
• Follow up on contacts and conduct informational interview to determine if there is a good match between what these people (who are using the skills you've used) do and what you want to do.
• Once you have identified one or several appealing possibilities, begin to shift your approach from asking for information about the jobs to requesting advice on how to secure a position.
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