Recently I spoke with a prospective client who wants to make a career change. He said he felt totally at a loss about what to do or how to begin. But, after I asked him a few questions, it occurred to me that he had quite a few ideas that would help him forge a new direction.
If you desire a career change, but feel stuck on how to begin, here are a few tips to help you get started and move on:
1. Sort out whether you need to change employers, positions or careers. Think about what's missing in your current job. Ask yourself under what conditions might you stay with your employer. Your responses should help address the question of whether your work situation needs tweaking or a complete overhaul.
2. If you think it's time to change your career direction, consider what is most important to you at this time of your life. In any given life phase, your values, interests and even skills can change and influence your attitude and work satisfaction. Ask yourself how your values and priorities influence your desires around work.
3. Identify any particular segment of the marketplace that interests you and think about anyone you may know who works there. Call them for a meeting about what they do and how they like it. Check out your assumptions about this type of work setting in an informal and casual conversation.
4. Revise your résumé. When you make a career change, it's most likely that you'll need to shift from the traditional chronological format to a functional resume that allows you to highlight your relevant skill sets rather than a recap of your work history.
5. Decide if you want to own your own business or work for someone else. If you are an aspiring entrepreneur, seek out the resources available in your area for business owners. Talk with people whom you know who can address the questions you have about starting a business. The small business development centers, funded by the Federal government and local resources, including UMaine Extension's home based business program are all free to the public.
6. If you prefer to work for an employer, create a list of companies or organizations about which you are curious, and begin to educate yourself about them by reviewing their websites and doing Google searches.
7. Narrow your list to three or four organizations and identify a person who works there by asking friends and family to connect you with someone. Have your friends contact the person on your behalf to let them know that you will be calling soon.
8. Make contact with the person and request an informational interview. Bring your résumé and get feedback on the type of position someone with your skills and experience might fit in their organization. Their response will help you target your new position.
9. Refine your résumé so it aligns with the new position.
10. Continue with informational interviews until you hear of positions. Apply and get hired!
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Do you bristle at the term "retirement" that connotes a life free from work and focused on some newfound pastime? If so, that's because your parent's concept of the years following a dedicated career is not acceptable or appealing to today's vibrant and energetic baby boomers who are on a quest for meaning in their later years. The interesting factor here is that the quest for meaning does not necessarily exclude all forms of work.
Marc Freedman, author of Encore: Finding Work That Matters In The Second Half Of Life, captures the essence of an extraordinary shift that, according to researchers, will result in a cultural phenomenon as transformative and significant as the women's movement.
According to Freedman, "If the old golden years dream was the freedom from work, the dream of this new wave (of baby boomers) is the freedom to work—in new ways, on new terms, to new and even more important ends."
The years after 50, now referred to as "The Third Age", "Encore Years", or Second Half of Life", currently generate over a million Google results, when only a decade ago, the topic might not have taken up as much as a bookshelf at Borders. But, today, there are a vast array of books available with examples of individuals who closed the chapter on careers that shaped their earlier identities to initiate new experiences that addressed their desire to serve a greater good or enliven some lesser known aspect of themselves.
This shift in the focus and intention of life and work is indicative of the life phase when individuals begin to lose interest in the "what should I be?" question inherent in the first half of life to address the "what am I meant to be?" quest of the second half.
Since this is a topic of great interest to me personally and professionally, you can count on seeing more of my blogs dedicated to it in the future.
In the meantime, here are a few questions to consider as you ponder your next life phase:
- What would I do if money was not a primary concern?
- What skills, abilities or gifts do I want to offer the world or my community?
- What would I feel proud of doing?
- Whom do I admire in the world today and what are they doing that might suggest a new direction for me?
For committed couples who want to explore a joint vision for second half of life years, consider this unique weekend retreat focused on a plan that incorporates both the individual's and couple's hopes for life after 50.
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Upcoming events featuring or sponsored by Heart At Work
April 4,5,6: Women's Life Expo, Portland. Barbara presents once each day: Live Your Life, Love Your Work...At Any Age.
April 19-May 10: Saturday Career Workshop Series with Amy Jaffe
Details: http://www.barbarababkirk.com/amy.html
May 8: HR Conventionn at the Samoset Resort in Rockport: Barbara and Amy Jaffe, will co-present a workshop: "Averting Quarterlife and Midlife Crises in Your Workplace: 5 Key Retention Strategies".
May 17 & 18: Your Second Half Of Life: A Unique Couples Retreat facilitated by Barbara and Doug Babkirk - Danforth Inn, Portland, ME
September 21-27: Barbara's annual Women's Retreat in Provence. Now accepting registrations.
Have you maneuvered through the job search maze and accepted a new job only to find that it's not what you anticipated? If so, you may wonder what went wrong, or question your ability to make sound career decisions in the future.
It may only be in hindsight that you realize the questions you should have asked during the job interview or recognize how important a particular job responsibility or working condition is to your job satisfaction.
As difficult as it is to find yourself in a new job that disappoints you, it's important to allow adequate time for you and the organization to acclimate to your arrival, rather than jump to conclusions or make a hasty decision to resign. Once on the job, consider your situation carefully and note the specific conditions that are different from what you had anticipated. These observations will assist you in evaluating your next job options should you decide to resign.
Once the shock of disappointment wears off, it's possible that you might warm up to your new position and discover a silver lining in what appeared to be a storm cloud. It's also possible that after a few months in the new job, you may be able to negotiate some changes that would improve your situation.
When a job is simply not salvageable, it's often due to an unanticipated management change. Not seeing eye to eye with the person to whom you report is a primary reason why people leave their jobs earlier than expected. Depending on the scope of the rift and how either party plays it out, it is usually necessary for the most recently hired to move on.
Whatever you ultimately do with the disappointment of a new job, use your experience to guide and inform you about your next step. Unless you see this experience as a repeating pattern in your work history, you might chalk this one up to a learning experience and recognize what you need to do to avoid such a situation in the future. If a pattern is present, you'd be wise to seek counsel from a skilled professional to determine what you might do differently the next time around.
"I've lost a sense of belonging" was Jane's honest reply to my question about the worst part of being unemployed.
With eight or more hours devoted to the workplace each day, most of us develop an experience of community that we take for granted—until we lose it.
Whether or not we get along with all of our co-workers, we tend to develop relationships at work that go beyond the necessary work-related conversations or collaborations. For most, there's a feeling of connection and built-in support system for life's trials and jubilations. From sounding boards to cheerleaders, the people with whom we work can serve important roles in our lives, even if our connection exists exclusively at work.
When we become unemployed for whatever reason, we lose the connections that have progressed beyond talk about the weather or favorite sports teams. With our thoughts focused on more obvious losses like income and benefits, the loss of community is unanticipated and sobering.
While we cannot replace the relationships from our last job, we can work to make new connections that help us feel part of a larger community.
Here are a few examples of resources to tap:
1.Career One Stop centers are sponsored by the Federal and State Governments and offer a vast array of services and programs. In Maine, the Career Centers are located in 22 towns and cities. The Portland, Maine office sponsors UP Groups (Unemployed Professionals) that feature speakers, job search tips and great opportunities to network with fellow job seekers. Check out the One Stop office in your area.
2.Chambers of Commerce networking opportunities are great places to meet new people, learn about issues in the marketplace and develop contacts for your job search. Check out the Chamber of Commerce in your area for a calendar of events.
3.Regular informal meetings with friends will keep commitments in your calendar and give you a chance to connect and, even ask for help with your transition.
4.Adult education classes—could this be the time to take that class in car mechanics, Microsoft Office, or intro to watercolors? You never know whom you might meet there…
5.Community service agencies often need volunteers to help with projects. Making a short-term commitment can provide structure to your week, new relationships, a welcomed balance to your job search efforts and allow you to feel productive.
Re-building a sense of community takes effort and determination. It's a good idea to resist the tendency to isolate by exclusively using the internet for your job search. If you balance your strategies with a combination of time alone and time for socializing and networking, you'll probably feel less alone and more upbeat and connected to your plan of finding new work.
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Events featuring or sponsored by Heart At Work
April 4,5.6: Women's Life Expo, Portland. Barbara presents: Live Your Life. Love Your Work At Any Age. Details: www.expoproducers.com
April 12-May 1: Through The Portal, a personal and professional development series for women facilitated by Barbara Babkirk and Susanna Liller.
Details: www.throughtheportal.biz
April 19-May 10: Saturday Career Workshop Series with Amy Jaffe
Details: http://www.barbarababkirk.com/amy.html
May 8: HR Convention at the Samoset Resort in Rockport: Barbara and Amy Jaffe, will co-present a workshop: "Averting Quarterlife and Midlife Crises in Your Workplace: 5 Key Retention Strategies".
Details: http://www.mainehr.com/convention/
September 21-27: Barbara's annual Women's Week in Provence.
Details: www.yourprovenceretreat.com
Some people just want to be honest. While telling the truth is honorable, discovering the right time to do so is wise.
Mary had outgrown her job. She no longer felt challenged by or interested in her day-to-day responsibilities, so she took action and began a job search for more satisfying work. Even with the average time to find a new job as six months, Mary thought it would be easy to keep her decision confidential until she was ready to resign.
However, as time went on, Mary found it increasingly difficult to remain silent about her job search process. Not only was she excited about her job prospects and wanted to discuss them with her co-worker-friends, but she began to feel disloyal withholding her decision to leave from her employer.
Mary consulted a career counselor and established a plan to pursue her career transition with integrity and good judgment.
1. To provide an outlet for sharing her job search process, Mary invited two friends, who were also considering a job change, to form a group that would meet regularly to offer each other support and encouragement.
2. Feeling guilty about her indifference and lack of commitment to her current job, Mary made a decision to increase her attention and energy at work until she was ready to resign.
3. Lastly, Mary realized that it was not necessary to inform her employer about her intention to leave until she could indicate a timeframe that would allow a
plan for her replacement.
Eventually, Mary became a finalist for a position she really wanted. The prospective employer requested references and Mary decided it was time to tell her boss and ask her to serve as a reference. Not knowing if she would get a job offer, Mary recognized that there was a risk in letting her employer know about her job search. But, at this point in her process, she felt ready for any outcome.
Mary's timing was right for her and that was confirmed by the sense of relief she felt once she had a candid conversation with her employer.
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Barbara is currently accepting applications for her ninth annual Women's Retreat in Provence. Click on the link for photos and more details!
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Barbara and Heart At Work associate, Amy Jaffe, will co-present a workshop:
"Averting Quarterlife and Midlife Crises in Your Workplace: 5 Key Retention Strategies" at the 2008 Annual Human Resources Convention in Rockport, Maine on May 8.
Are you the type that stays put even though you know in your heart of hearts it’s time to leave? While they may not be obvious to everyone, there are many reasons why you might dig in your heels instead of spread your wings when it comes to initiating a job change.
Even if the job itself is boring, the compensation mediocre, and the commute less than desirable, other factors can override these aspects of your situation.
Relationships with co-workers, the comfortable familiarity with your work environment and knowledge of what is expected of you, can keep you mired in a job that no longer offers you much satisfaction.
Eventually, the truth of the matter may catch up with you. When you choose not to act on an internal impulse or desire, you could find yourself in a reactive mode. Layoffs, early retirement incentives, terminations, and outsourcing are some of the external motivators that nudge people out of their complacency.
This could be seen as a way that some people get what they really need: a catalyst to make a change for the better.
However, this method is not without some fallout. The host of mixed feelings and threat to one’s self esteem that accompanies a forced change can set people back as they require time to heal and regroup.
While being proactive in your honest assessment and follow through of your work has its own risks (e.g. there are no guarantees that the grass is greener any place else), it can create a sense of increased control of your life. If you combine that feeling with sound research about the job market and what you offer, you’re likely to be happy that you took some action.
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Barbara is currently accepting applications for her ninth annual Women's Retreat in Provence. Click on the link for photos and more details!
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Barbara and Heart At Work associate, Amy Jaffe, will co-present a workshop:
"Averting Quarterlife and Midlife Crises in Your Workplace: 5 Key Retention Strategies" at the 2008 Annual Human Resources Convention in Rockport, Maine on May 8.
Beyond any particular personality type, professional skills or business acumen, starting a business requires a connection to what matters most to you. Whether your business directly relates to a specific value you hold, or allows you to live your life in alignment with your priorities, it is likely to be a success if you are behind it with your heart and soul.
In the beginning, the process of imagining your business can be a fluid one. As you identify the name, create your brand, define your market, and complete a business plan, consider how you feel about each step. Notice which options energize you and which do not as you evaluate the ways you might present your service or product for the marketplace.
I often find myself telling clients who are planning a business to watch for the “green lights” as indicators that they are on the right path. These affirming signs can be anything from people offering unsolicited support, to ease in obtaining necessary financing or an appropriate workspace, to an unexpected opportunity that provides a financial bridge from employee to business owner.
Even with green lights at every turn, there is no getting around the fact that starting your own business requires a leap of faith. With no guarantee of success, you must be interested in the process as well as the desired outcome and have a realistic idea about what your new work-life will entail. Be certain that your pursuit is connected to facts and accurate information and not just an idealized notion of what you desire, and you'll be likely to persevere in good times and in bad.
In Maine, there are organizations that can assist you in your decision-making or planning process. SCORE, Maine Small Business Development Centers, UMaine's Cooperative Extension Home Based Business Programs, and Coastal Enterprises Inc., all offer free consultations on a wide array of topics to anyone in any stage of the process of business ownership. Uniquely for women, New Ventures, a well-established 60-hour program offered by Women, Work and Community instructs small groups of women in the essentials of business ownership from marketing to finances, culminating in a business plan. I have referred dozens of women to this program over the years with consistent rave reviews about its usefulness.
With an inner sense that this is the right direction at the right time, coupled with research and adequate counsel from seasoned advisors, you may be on your way to the independence and freedom that comes with being a business owner.
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Barbara is currently accepting applications for her ninth annual Women's Retreat in Provence. Click on the link for photos and more details!
_ _ _ _ _
Barbara and Heart At Work associate, Amy Jaffe, will co-present a workshop:
"Averting Quarterlife and Midlife Crises in Your Workplace: 5 Key Retention Strategies" at the 2008 Annual Human Resources Convention in Rockport, Maine on May 8.
My last blog was about moving from indecision to action. Perhaps it's time for you to put these ideas to the test.
Are you ready for the change you've pondered for the past year? If so, then it's essential for you to clarify what you want: A new job with the same employer? A different company? A totally new career path that might require further education? Want to identify your options and then decide what to do?
No matter what your goal is, you can build momentum by taking one step at a time. Since you are aware of the ripple effect, be careful not to underestimate the importance of any effort you make.
Here are a few tips that might help you stay on track with your career goal for the New Year:
• Stay in the present about what steps to take. If you start to feel overwhelmed, you are probably too far ahead in the process than you need to be.
• Identify a step that is possible to achieve within two weeks. Set a time by which you will have completed it.
• Tell a trusted friend or relative about your goal and the steps and ask them to help you stay accountable to them.
• Continue the process, one step at a time, until you achieve the results you want.
Does this sound too simple? Perhaps you expect the process of making a career change to be difficult or complicated. If that's true, you can imagine how your assumptions are influencing your behavior.
What if your plan fell into place easily as you moved forward with your steps? Why not try these tips for two months? I'd love to hear about your results.
For many people, the twenties is a time of leaving home to explore the world of work after college or high school. It's about determining the profession or jobs that will meet your need to maintain social connections, keep up with living expenses, and try something new.
In the course of this decade, it is common to choose several different jobs without much direction or guidance as to where they might lead or how they fit with your personality, interests or abilities. It is estimated that if you are in your 20's today, you might have up to eight jobs before you reach 30.
Being young makes it acceptable to flounder and experiment with options. But, this cavalier, I've-got-all-the-time-in-the-world type of attitude can dramatically change as you enter the midlife stage. In the forth decade, you become increasingly aware of the passage of time and want to assert more control and develop a career plan with the time you have left.
Each decade shares the potential for either a life crisis or a life transition. A transition of some sort is inevitable; a crisis is avoidable. Being in denial about getting older, or judging yourself against the cultural standards of success can each lead to a crisis as you move away from your reality to one that is an unrealistic fantasy or someone else's expectation.
On the other hand, a focus on your own values, skills and interests might provide clues to a new direction and sense of meaning. For ideas on avoiding a quarterlife or midlife crisis, go to this page on my website:
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Jumpstart or Advance Your Career
Heart At Work Career Workshops
offered by Amy Jaffe, MA:
Effective Resumes
Job Search Strategy
Advanced Interviewing
Informational Interviewing
Weeknights and Saturday mornings-$30 each
261 Main Street - Yarmouth
Call Amy for details: 207-846-0644
or email: amy@heartatwork.biz
I could reinvent myself in France. As I mentioned a blog or so ago, it would be impossible to make a living in France as a career counselor since the French are not particularly accustomed to changing jobs, let alone career paths.
But, since they do enjoy food, its preparation and presentation, there's a related job change just waiting for this bi-lingual American. While I don't plan to put my limited culinary talents to the test in the land of great chefs, I could imagine touring the country's vast array of restaurants on the lookout for menus in need of accurate English translations.
Here are a few examples of well intentioned, yet off the mark translations I noticed on French menus this year during my vacation and annual women's retreat in Provence to the south of France:
| Menu listing | Their English version | Correct translation |
| Crottins | Warm goat droppings | Toasted baguette topped with warm goat's cheese |
| Pave de thon | Paving stones of the tuna | Slices of fresh tuna |
| Poulet roti aux | Chicken and local grasses | Chicken grilled with herbes de Provence |
| Salade du terroir: | Salad from the ground | Farm salad with oeufs farcis, lardons egg stuffing, little lards stuffed eggs & bacon |
| Sorbet au gout de chevrefeuille | Sorbet with a taste of goat leaf | Sherbert with a hint of honeysuckle |
As I consider this idea for a total career makeover, I realize two essential elements for a successful career change are missing:
1. Is there a marketplace gap or identified need for this service?
Sadly, I think not. From what I've seen, the French are not at all concerned about whether or not they correctly translate their menus. I can imagine being met with a typical shrug of the shoulders if I even pointed out the errors. The idea of trying to sell a menu translation correction service is beyond my wildest imagination.
2. Do I know enough about what I'd be getting into in such an endeavor? After hearing about the entanglement of red tape involved in establishing a business in France, I imagine that it would be difficult to accurately create a business plan.
In any case, it was fun to ponder the idea. Sometimes, all you need to do is take an idea seriously enough to believe you could actually do it and then see what happens. In my case, I felt relieved to be returning to my current profession and not trying to invent a new one even if it did combine food and a land I so love.
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Heart At Work Career Workshops
offered by Amy Jaffe, MA:
Effective Resumes
Job Search Strategy
Advanced Interviewing
Informational Interviewing
Weeknights and Saturday mornings-$30 each
Falmouth Library
Call Amy for details: 207-846-0644
or email: amy@heartatwork.biz
The fact that this idea would cross your mind is not at all unusual in America. However, here in France, where I am enjoying some R&R before I lead my annual women's retreat in Provence on Sunday, it is not commonplace to change careers at midlife, or at anytime for that matter.
French students must decide on a discipline or career path at 16 or 17 years of age. The idea of an "undeclared major" in college is unheard of. One must decide on a direction early on, and that decision essentially casts their professional fate.
While Americans enjoy the cultural norm of changing jobs and professions about 4-5 times on average during their lifetime, the French tend to remain in their "métier", or profession until retirement—whether they enjoy it or not. Perhaps that is why the French put more emphasis than Americans on non-work activities over which they have more control--like vacations and eating well.
So, if a shift in jobs is in the works for you, be grateful that you are in a culture that supports this type of a life change. Perhaps you could have the best of both worlds in this transition: enjoy a change to more satisfying work as well as put adequate attention toward the non-work parts of life.
Even though I'd find it impossible to make a living here as a career counselor to the French, I have an appreciation for the balance they seem to achieve between work and life.
Typically, topics for my blogs come from clients, colleagues or professional writings. However, my inspiration this time came from friends sharing their good counsel as I prepare for my daughter's upcoming wedding.
"Keep perspective, remember what matters most, and have a great time", is the advice from those whose wisdom I value most."
It occurred to me that this message has relevance beyond wedding planning, to many of life's milestones, including the transition to new work.
Here's how this advice might apply to someone in the job search:
Keep perspective. Your world can become very small and narrowly focused when you are seeking a new job. Waiting for the invitation for an interview, a job offer, or a response to your résumé submission, you might become overly focused, even a bit obsessed about the prospective employer. Resist the tendency to conjure up reasons why he or she is not contacting you in a timely manner and shift your attention to those things over which you have some control. Remind yourself that while your job search is first and foremost on your mind, it is hardly the same for the employer.
Remember what matters most. When you begin to evaluate your job options, know what you most value. Consider past work experiences, what was lacking and what you appreciated as you formulate a list of "must haves". Recognize how work fits into your overall life and know what's important in order for your life to work well and feel somewhat balanced.
Have a great time. This may be a stretch when you are counting the weeks until your final paycheck or feel miserable in a job you want to leave. But, this advice may be just what you need in order to move forward in a better frame of mind. Take time to do something enjoyable, like walk the beach or have lunch with a friend. Don’t let a negative mindset or worrisome thoughts get the upper hand. Stay focused on the outcome you desire and engage in activities that will bolster your spirits.
Perhaps you know it’s time for a job change, but you don’t know exactly what you want or where to look. If this is the case, you probably feel stuck. In order to move forward, you may need to shift your thinking from all the things you don’t know (e.g. what, where, when and how much) to what you are clear about.
Begin with a list of the reasons why you’re considering a change. Typically, this list will reflect what is missing in your current position or what is not to your liking. Next to each item on your list, write what you want in response to whatever is not working.
Be as specific as you can with each list.
Here are examples of items that might be on the lists:
What is not working: What I want instead:
Bored, no challenge. Opportunity to learn something new.
Commute is too long. Workplace within 30 minutes from home.
Boss that micro-manages me. Chance to work more independently.
Work is not meaningful to me. Feel like I make a difference.
Not using skills I enjoy. Want to use more skills that I like to use
(You need to know what these are.)
The information on your lists will help you in either of two ways in your effort to identify job options. It will assist you in creating questions to ask during job interviews to determine if the setting is a good match for you, or it will help you identify positions that share your employment criteria.
It is not necessary to have a job title in mind as you begin a job search. In fact, job titles can vary greatly from one employer to the next, so narrowing your search to one title could needlessly eliminate possibilities.
Identify the criteria that are important to you such as: key responsibilities and skills, work environment, compensation and benefits, values and mission, interests, and co-workers.
Rank-order these criteria as a step in identifying prospective employers.
Ask friends and colleagues what position or employer comes to mind as you share with them your criteria. When you hear something of interest to you, ask for the name of a person who either does this type of job or works in an organization where it is done.
At this point, you should be ready to begin networking around prospects in the marketplace that have the potential to meet your criteria.
If you could know what would happen if you took a leap of faith, life's choices would seem much easier. But, inconveniently, the outcome of a leap of faith cannot be determined in advance. Whenever you trust, or cast fate to the wind, you do so without any empirical evidence that you will ultimately get what you desire. In so doing, you rely on a power beyond yourself, whether or not you align with any particular religious tradition.
In my career counseling practice, I often hear stories of people who have an idea, a longing, a whisper of a plan about their next career move. When these scenarios require a deep breath of letting go because they have no clear outcome, they cross over into the category of "leaps of faith". At that point, I know that the decision-making process will encompass more than the obvious career or job change they desire. I have identified ten characteristics that seem to indicate when work presents this type of a "spiritual challenge" illustrated by the example below.
By the time Tom was 45, he had built a successful small business—a practical choice he made in his thirties based on opportunities and a need to "make a name for himself" in the marketplace. While these reasons were good enough motivators at the time, they began to lose their significance as Tom approached midlife.
In spite of well-intentioned advice to the contrary from family and friends, Tom knew in his heart of hearts that he should close his business. Not only was it creating physical problems for him, but his work's lack of meaning threatened his emotional health as well. The decision to close his business was hard enough without the added stress of not knowing what else he would do for work.
Nonetheless, Tom courageously made the decision to leave the work that had defined his identity and provided a reasonable income for over a decade. Not knowing what path would replace the one he was giving up, Tom took a leap of faith to explore new possibilities.
As he considered his options from many angles, Tom began to identify what really mattered most to him at this phase of his life. This knowledge, coupled with the skills and talents that he wanted to emphasize, focused him in a new direction that fit his criteria.
While many of his friends remarked that he was brave to give up his business, Tom knew that he was compelled to make a change and that his life depended on it.
Tom's scenario reminds me of The Journey, a poem by Mary Oliver:
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.
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This year's Women's Retreat in Provence is full! Email me if you'd like to be notified about the next trip in September 2008.
Turning 50 makes anyone eligible to join AARP—a benefit not all are wild about since it reminds us that we are getting old and approaching retirement. While we know it’s inevitable, we’d rather not dwell on the topic of aging for many reasons—not the least of which is that some of us cannot imagine our lives without our work. Even with its demands and frustrations, work provides structure, purpose and a sense of identity to our lives.
In spite of concerns that retirement will leave a void filled by a hectic life in the work world, many people, earlier than ever, are having conversations about when to submit their names for the proverbial mantel clock or gold watch.
Perhaps it’s the idea of being in control of our days, accountable to ourselves, and free of other’s rules and policies that allows us to broach the subject at all. Predictably, somewhere in the conversation looms the question: “What will I do after the novelty of ‘my time is my own’ fades?”
With the 60’s now considered to be the “new middle age”, we cannot look to the generation before us for clues on how to structure our retirement. Our golden years will look quite different from our parent's, thanks to our longer life expectancy and higher standards for quality of life. As difficult and confusing as it might be, we must ask ourselves this question until we see glimpses of possibilities.
Here are a few questions that might help guide your conversation about your life in retirement:
1. What three words describe how you'd like your retirement years to be?
2. What do you long to do that you’ve not had the time, resources or courage to do?
3. Is there something that is incomplete in your life that you want or need to finish?
4. List three things that are the highest priorities in your life as you approach retirement. Does your life reflect the importance they hold? If not, what could you do to better align your life with your priorities?
5. If work required fewer hours of your life, what activities would you like to pursue for the first year? Beyond that?
6. What are your fears about retirement? What are your desires? Make sure your attention and energy is focused on your desires.
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"Get Beyond the Midlife Crisis: Understanding Life and Work in the Second Half of LIfe", a presentation by Barbara at the Women’s Health Expo, May 19 at Goodall Hospital, Sanford, Maine.
One space remaining! Women's Retreat in Southern France, led by Barbara for the eighth year, September 23-29.
Imagine that you were given a guarantee: You could take any risk and succeed at it. Would it change the course of your life? Does any one thing come to mind that you would want to do under these circumstances? If an idea surfaced as you asked yourself these questions, perhaps it warrants some further attention.
Fear of failure needlessly squelches many interesting and creative ideas. It is often why people lose motivation when contemplating a transition—they get scared that the idea won't work even before they have fully thought it through.
I'm not certain why people tend to focus their attention on potential failures, or "the worst thing that could happen" scenarios, but I suppose it has to do with self-protection. However, a false sense of safety gained from avoiding risks can come with a high price, as many of us trade off the possibility of realizing our dreams.
Here are a few steps you might consider if you want to revive an idea that has fallen prey to a fear of failure mindset:
1. Listen to any response that comes from the question: What if you could not fail?
2. Ask yourself what is it about this idea that is so appealing?
3. What aspects of yourself would be engaged by such an idea?
4. What assumptions do you have about this idea?
5. What else do you need to know about this idea and where or from whom can you find out?
6. What is one step you could take to move a little closer to this idea in order to see it more clearly?
After you've taken these steps, ask yourself how you now feel about the idea? Are you more energized about it? Less interested? If clarifying your idea increased your interest, think about what else you could do to further its development. Take things one step at a time in order to avoid becoming overwhelmed by the whole of it, or by the unknown aspects that may cause you to make up stories about it.
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Where Barbara is presenting next:
•Women Supporting Women, a free event of the The Maine Women's Fund
February 6, The Woodlands Club, 7-9pm. Come hear about work and life balance and unleashing your investment Goddess!
•Maine Association of Personality Type
Using the MBTI in career counseling featuring Barbara Babkirk and Amy Jaffe
Free, Tuesday, February 27, 6:30-8:30pm, Falmouth Library
•Yarmouth Wellness Fair, sponsored by the Yarmouth Chamber of Commerce Saturday, March 3, 10-3pm, Yarmouth High School
•Hardy Girls, Healthy Women Conference
Saturday, March 24, Fairfield, KVCC
At the beginning of a new year, people often make a commitment to change some aspect of their lives. While changing jobs is not one of the top ten, several of the most popular resolutions could easily imply a job change. Of the top ten resolutions, spending more time with friends and family, learning something new and enjoying life more all could all point to one's job or career as a means to the goal.
Over the years, I've heard many stories that attest to what works and what does not in achieving success in a transition to new work. While I don't propose that these three are the only effective strategies, I will say that they can add great value to a person's transition.
1. Make space in your life.
It seems that everyone is talking about how busy they are and wishing for more time to get things done. As contrary as it may seem, stopping, rather than doing more, is a paradoxical way toward more effective results. When one's mind and daily schedule are full to the brim, there's no room for new ideas, let alone additional tasks necessary to make a change. It's amazing how a few minutes of reflective time, writing in a journal, or conscious breathing can help shift a feeling of being stuck or overwhelmed.
2. Ask "what" rather than "how".
Inherent in a transition is usually the question "how". There is something about that question that seems to demand an immediate answer. But transitions, especially in their early stages, are typically not developed enough to address these "how" demands. Unable to come up with adequate responses to the "how", most people assume their ideas are not feasible and give up on them.
Instead of abandoning your ideas, try asking "what" and hold off on the "how" until later in your process. Once you are clear about your desire and direction, you may find that your initial "how" questions change or that the answers are more readily available. Clarity about "what" fuels a person's resolve; whereas premature "how" questions block any glimpse of new possibilities.
3. Trust, let go and have patience.
Most people like to be in control. While there's nothing wrong with feeling in charge of one's life, it's impossible for a person to make everything fall into place when it involves others and situations that are out of their control.
Somewhere in the course of a transition, a person must let go of what is unfolding, including the timing of it all. In order to truly let go, patience and trust are essential. If a person recognizes that these qualities are integral to the transition process, rather than distractions from it, they may find the important task of waiting for certain outcomes more tolerable.
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Where Barbara is presenting next:
•Women Supporting Women, a free event of the The Maine Women\'s Fund
February 6, The Woodlands Club, 7-9pm. Come hear about work and life balance and unleashing your investment Goddess!
•Maine Association of Personality Type
Using the MBTI in career counseling featuring Barbara Babkirk and Amy Jaffe
Free, Tuesday, February 27, 6:30-8:30pm, Falmouth Library
•Yarmouth Wellness Fair, sponsored by the Yarmouth Chamber of CommerceSaturday, March 3, 10-3pm, Yarmouth, HS
•Hardy Girls, Healthy Women Conference
Saturday, March 24, KVCC
Often clients will come in to see me and the first thing they'll say is: "I'm afraid I haven't accomplished much since the last time we met." Over the years I've learned not to take that statement at face value. People have a tendency to underestimate what they have accomplished if it falls short of reaching their overall goal.
Whether I am helping them in an active pursuit of other employment or their preliminary investigation of possible new directions, I then ask them to update me on what's happened on the job front.
While the specific details vary greatly, there's usually a consistency in the responses. Clients report on a combination of introspective pursuits that include mulling over questions and ideas along with more concrete action steps like conversations with colleagues or reviews of relevant websites. If the latter actions don't add up to many, clients tend to feel negative about what they have done. However, after exploring their whole process, including the introspective actions, it becomes clear to both of us that much indeed has transpired.
It is impossible for nothing to have changed in a client's situation from one meeting to the next, for we are always in a state of constant change. When people value only the tasks that have measurable outcomes in the course of their transition, they shortchange themselves and underestimate the significant progress that occurs on more subtle levels.
Instead of asking "What did I accomplish in my job search this week?" job seekers might consider the following questions:
• How do I feel about my progress?
• What shifts have occurred in my thinking around my transition since last week?
• What has contributed to this shift?
• Am I happy with where I am in the process? If not, what is the next step I can take to further it along?
There’s no doubt about it, it can be devastating to be fired from your job. Even if you were ready to leave, you are bound to feel less than empowered when someone else exerts control over your fate.
While it may seem a distant goal when you are terminated, statistics say that you’re likely to find another job within three to six months. Since there is plenty of good advice about how to handle interviews and applications in light of a termination, I won’t be covering those issues in this blog.
Instead, I’ll address a related, but often over-looked topic: your entry into the next job. Anyone who has been laid off or terminated knows that confidence takes a considerable hit and gives way to self-doubt and misgivings about what you can truly accomplish. Even if you’ve managed to bolster yourself up enough to conduct a job search and secure a job offer, there’s one last hurdle to conquer: mastering a job after being told you failed at the last one. Here is a scenario that describes what someone faced in this type of transition:
It was six months after her termination that Cathy started a new position with responsibilities in a totally different industry than her previous setting. From the looks of her situation, it would appear that she had weathered the transition from being fired to gainfully employed without a problem. However, I heard another side of the story—one that was riddled with self-criticism and self-doubt and a resistance to reenter the marketplace for fear of another failure.
As is the case with over half of the terminations occurring in the workplace, Cathy’s relationship with her former supervisor had presented an impossible dynamic and she knew that was the impetus behind her termination. Nonetheless, Cathy internalized the barrage of criticisms and eventually assumed full responsibility for her demise that left her feeling somewhat worthless and skeptical of her value in the marketplace. Although she could hide it when necessary, she carried an emotional whirlwind into her job search.
After she applied for a job that required her unique credentials and relevant experience, Cathy was surprised to receive a generous employment offer and was especially shocked to learn that she was the search committee’s first choice hands down. She accepted the offer thinking they would surely retract it before her start date. All of her reactions were symptomatic of her low self-esteem.
The Sunday night before starting her new job, a familiar dread set in. She recognized that end-of-the-weekend anxiety she’d experienced during the ending of her previous job. Her body remembered how it was “supposed” to feel as she anticipated work, even though the reality of her new workplace was unknown.
I saw Cathy again after she had been at her new job for a month. She seemed relaxed and there was a sparkle in her eyes that I had not seen before.
She reported that her new boss was easygoing and appreciative of her skills and contributions. However, in discussing her workday, it became clear that she was overworking, going in early and staying quite late. She was tired, yet felt afraid that she might be fired for not doing enough—another holdover from her former job.
Her assumptions and concerns were dictating her actions and her emotions had her in a spin about what might happen if…In recognizing how her thoughts were influencing her experience at her new job, Cathy was able to distinguish reality from speculation and fear. She needed clearer expectations from her boss and planned to speak to him about it. She committed to doing her best to meet those expectations, but not to exceed them at the expense of her health and well-being.
Although it will take some time, Cathy is leaving her former job behind and is creating a new work experience that will replace hurtful memories and nagging self doubt with increased confidence and a focus on the present.
Most of us have heard of the proverbial "midlife crisis", the uneasy period of doubt and anxiety when we realize that our life is half over. But have you heard of the other phase of life beset with its own challenges that may have affected your young adult children or others you know?
Coined in 2001 by authors Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbins, the "quarter-life crisis" occurs in the period of life ranging from the ages of 21-29, but may extend into the early thirties. This is a time when young adults are searching to establish their identity in the world, particularly in the work arena. Issues of self worth may become confused with job titles, earning potential and whether or not they are still living with their parents.
Just when it seems that the world is their oyster, young adults in a quarter-life crisis may feel overwhelmed by their options and alone in their decision-making. Insecure about the future and the unfamiliar territory of the marketplace, those facing into a quarter-life crisis may become depressed, act indifferent when faced with significant decisions, or appear to have their life together when the opposite is really true.
Making the shift from years in school where expectations and daily schedules were clearly delineated to a life in the "real world" of executing a job search and paying the bills, can lead to a crisis if they have never developed the skills to manage their lives and appropriate support is not available.
One of the key stabilizers to any crisis is information, and that is true in the case of the quarter-life crisis. Whether it is information that helps them understand their personality or identify their marketable skills, young adults can benefit from facts, trends and introspective insights.
I've asked my new career counseling associate, Amy Jaffe, who specializes in working with young adults, to identify a few TIPS to ease or avoid a quarter-life crisis:
1. Avoid the “Major” trap. Many recent college grads feel compelled to pick a job that’s based on the subject they majored in. Just because you were a Sociology major, you don’t have to be a sociologist! College was a time to develop fundamental skills like how to investigate and research, how to write, and how to balance schoolwork with social life. Most employers, especially for entry-level positions, place more emphasis on a candidate’s general abilities than their specific skill set.
2. Assess yourself. The teenage and college years are often spent trying to “fit in.” However, a satisfying career comes from recognizing your unique qualities and how you can contribute to an organization in your own way. Career assessment tools can help identify skills, interests, values, and motivators as they relate to work.
3. Get informed. Informational interviewing is the best-kept secret to job finding. By talking with people with different careers, clients learn the day-to-day reality of a variety of jobs—even juicy details like salary. It's useful to get help with a strategy for informational interviewing to learn about an occupation before diving into it.
4. Hone your marketing materials. Every job search requires an effective resume, an articulate cover letter, and polished interview skills. Young or first-time job seekers may have less confidence about their accomplishments and limited experience when articulating them to strangers. Good interviewing skills are not something you’re born with—practice makes perfect. Likewise, developing targeted resumes helps you feel more confident and prepared to meet a potential employer.
5. Find a mentor. Talk to someone 5 to 10 years older than yourself; they may have experienced the “quarter-life crisis” stage of life fairly recently. You’ll find out that they, and, indeed, most people, follow an unplanned winding path before finding the ideal career. A mentor can help guide you along your own path.
You can reach Amy who works with me in Yarmouth by phone: 415-407-8788 or email: amy@positivecareerdevelopment.com.
Being in a place of uncertainty is difficult for most people. A person’s tendency is to leave the unknown with its vague and unsettling qualities for a clearer path. Yet, there are times in life when, as much as we would like a more defined direction, it is not to be found.
In the American culture, there is much value placed on getting something done and not much tolerance for being in the process of figuring something out. Yet, the fact remains that any transition has three stages: a beginning stage when it occurs to us that we need a change, a middle stage where we are fraught with confusion and unanswered questions, and an end when we move fully into the new possibility.
Most of us expect and cope with the first and last stages, but we prefer to circumvent the middle one, perhaps because it seems unproductive in our fast-paced outcome-driven culture. But the middle stage has its own meaning and importance in the scheme of things.
This middle stage is a liminal place—the time in-between one reality and another. It can be rich with anticipation and excitement for what is to come, or frustrating and annoying for its inherent lack of definition and directives. As is the case with any threshold, there is a time to step over it into the new place.
Some people, driven by anxiety, rush over the threshold to quell the discomfort that comes with being in unknown territory. They typically experience a mix of outcomes that result from fear-based decisions.
On the other hand, there are those who choose to embrace the liminal place as a legitimate stage in their transition convinced that it holds promise and purpose. They patiently and intentionally wait for external and internal indicators to move into the next phase. All the while, they eagerly anticipate, like a good friend who is coming, the moment when they’ll know the move is right.
Is there currently a liminal place in your life about which you could shift your attitude?
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Barbara will be presenting a workshop: “Midllife: How to Avoid the Crisis by Understanding Your Heart’s Desire” in the “Mindful Aging Series” at Sweet Water Day Spa on Wednesday, October 18 from 6-8pm. Call: 443-4723 for more info.
James' first three years in his job were good in that he felt valued and had ample opportunities to develop his skills as a supervisor. However, in the fourth year, changes in management turned everything around for him. He and his new manager did not see eye to eye on priorities, and consequently, Jim felt that his ideas were disregarded or discounted.
In his fifth year, James decided he'd had enough and planned to give his resignation. He held a lot of resentment toward his boss and felt bitter about the antagonistic relationship they had. It was at that point that he came to see me for help with finding a new job, and to discuss a strategy for leaving his employer.
He considered an exit interview during which he would finally have his say, placing blame for his leaving on his superior and even on the organization for not rescuing him from the situation. He also fantasized about a meeting with his subordinates in which he would detail the ways he had been mistreated as justification for leaving them. His anger had been mounting and he wanted to release it.
I asked James what was the outcome he wanted from either of those actions. He thought for a moment and admitted that he just wanted people to hear him out, and even feel sorry for him. "Actually", he said, "I'd like someone to apologize." After hearing himself state these unlikely outcomes, he realized the futility in these actions. When I asked him how he wanted to be remembered, especially by those he supervised, he was clear: "I want people to think of me as someone they respected and who did the best he could in a difficult situation. I want to feel I made a difference in the lives of those whom I supervised."
With a focus on a positive legacy, James was then able to make decisions about his transition that were consistent with his desire to leave with respect. To his boss, whom he knew he could not influence, he wrote a brief, yet cordial resignation letter. He did not request an exit interview.
Last, but not least, he held a meeting with his team during which he conveyed his appreciation for what they had accomplished together, and identified a special trait that he appreciated in each of his supervisees. He was surprised that they, each in turn, did the same for him.
James did not burn any bridges in the way he left his employer, plus he shifted his focus to the positive actions and created memories that helped his attitude and motivation in his transition to new work.
I met with two people yesterday, each of whom is trying to figure out the best time to take the leap and quit their day job to plunge into their entrepreneurial ventures full time. While they each had concerns about paying the mortgage and letting go of health care benefits, they also shared an intense passion for the work they were imagining. Their passion for their new work was in distinct contrast with their feelings about their current work. Each had an idea of when it would be practical to resign, but agreed that their timeframe might not be soon enough to satisfy their growing desire to move on.
That didn't surprise me. Once a person lets the proverbial cat out of the bag, or in other words, acknowledges that they are ready to move on, there's no turning back, even for practical reasons. The old job never looks the same after that. The veil of denial so needed to keep showing up daily at a job that no longer engages the person, disappears and reveals what is true: it's time to leave. The practical side of most people tries to stuff this reality back down, but that is not easy once it's exposed.
Perhaps Pascal's quote: "The heart has reasons of which reason knows not" helps explain the conflict of head and heart each person in this situation experiences.
So, what do you do if you find yourself in this place of "one foot in and one foot out" of your job?
- Try to balance your intuition and inner self with your more analytical and practical side. That might involve writing your thoughts, concerns and desires in a journal, or meeting regularly with a friend to help you stay accountable around steps you're taking to make progress with your new work.
- At times it's effective and empowering to stare down your fear. Get out your calculator and itemize your expenses and determine as accurately as possible just how much income you will need to get by for a period of time. It is common for people to make assumptions that are inaccurate and keep them from the transition they want.
- Shift your mindset from "I'll have to choose between having enough and work I enjoy" to "I intend to have all I need."
- Take specific steps each week toward your desired work.
Last night was a perfect night for a garden party. I was delighted to join dozens of people gathered in one of Yarmouth's splendid "secret gardens" to celebrate the successful launch of the Maine Women's Journal. Susan Neale, the hostess and the new quarterly magazine's publisher, is one of those inspiring people who made her dream come true. Although Susan would be the first to tell you that it didn't happen overnight, or too easily at first, her process included many points that are essential to making any dream a reality. I'd like to share some insights that come from my observations of Susan's success as well as my work with clients who have transformed ideas into concrete results.
Those things we long to do, our dreams, are often combinations of experiences and aspects of ourselves that we want to be more prominent in our lives at any given time. When a dream begins to take shape, it is good to talk about it with people you trust. At this point it doesn't have to be well thought-out, just clear enough to begin to put it into words. As you hear yourself express an idea, it gets clearer to you, and is often augmented by another's attention and input.
This stage of "putting it out there" is critical, and it is especially important to be protective of the idea and discerning about the people with whom you share it. I'd suggest avoiding the naysayers who tend to think up reasons why something won't work. Once the dream is clearer and better established in your mind, it is more likely to withstand criticism and negative reactions—your own or someone else's. I've noticed that some individuals establish relationships with people who consistently dismiss their ideas in order to protect themselves from failing. Of course, the down side to that strategy is that they don't experience success either.
Keeping your dream alive through its various stages of development and expression can be challenging because it is likely to take longer than you imagined or wanted. Recognize where you have control and where you need to let go, and focus on steps that you can complete in small, yet consistent increments.
It can be a problem to be too attached to the specifics of your dream—the when and how of it. Try to isolate what's most important, its essence, rather than the details, and take time each day to focus on that.
Begin to anticipate and prepare for your dream like you would a good friend who is coming.
Frustrated because not much is happening in your job search? Let’s look at what might be hampering you. First, it’s important for you to be clear about what you are looking for. That does not necessarily mean that you have a specific job title in mind. Titles often vary from place to place, so focusing on a title might even limit you and your options. However, it is important for you to be aware of your interests, skills and values and recognize how they translate to the marketplace.
Next, you will need a great resume that captures the best of your experience. Given the fact that a resume has about 30 seconds to make an impression, it’s best to keep it to one page. Avoid the most common mistakes people make in writing resumes and be prepared with a list specific names to which to send or deliver it. Unsolicited resumes have much less of a chance of being read than ones that are sent via a company contact, so it pays to develop your contact list and use it.
If you’ve made it to the interview stage, that’s a good sign. But are you receiving second interviews or job offers? If not, your interviewing skills may need refining. When I worked at Bowdoin College, we offered videotaped mock interviews to seniors and encouraged them to have in mind at least three examples or vignettes of experiences that illustrated their skills. Most applicants think all they need to be successful in an interview is to state that they have a certain skill, but anyone can claim a talent for something. To identify when and where you have demonstrated a skill sets you apart from other candidates and may just land you the job.
Have you checked off everything I’ve mentioned so far and still wonder about your lack of success in the job search? Here is where the more philosophical aspect of the job search comes in: trusting the timing of it all. It may not be that your job search strategy is flawed, but that the right option is just not available at the exact time you are ready for it.
People often have a difficult time with this concept, which is not supported by our instant gratification mindset. I know people who seem ready to make a job change and dutifully conduct a job search process only to wait in frustration. Waiting for the right opportunity does not mean that you put your life on hold. Consider what you are doing as a result of your waiting that is adding something positive to your life. An example might be a person who rekindles an old friendship through networking for a new job, or someone who takes up exercise to deal with the stress caused by the uncertainty of it all. Shifting your focus to the positive aspects of your experience and appreciating more than just the end result could change your attitude and help you develop patience and trust until that dream job appears.
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